Today I think it is finally time to talk about what I like to call the DUH Factor. Oprah has her "A-Ha moments, and I have the DUH Factor.
You're a ten year old chubby girl on the playground in Grade school and one of the school bullies challenges you to a fight. Lots of kids are gonna turn out to watch the weird chubby girl get an ass-whupping from the meanest girl in town! I wouldn't miss it for the world. Of course I couldn't miss it since I was the chubby girl.
The last thing I wanted to do was instigate a fight with this heartless and tough bully. I probably had 30 pounds on the kid but I didn't think my weight was an asset back then (or ever, come to think of it)...
It was a chilly day on the playground and everyone was waiting to see if I'd show. The bully was there with all her tough, trash-talking friends. In the end, however, the fight never happened. She said that she knew that someone told one of the playground attendants and that we would most likely get suspended if we fought. Now that I knew it was not going to happen, I got real brave and said that she should never have punched me in the neck to begin with. Then it hit me...the DUH Factor! DUH! Keep your mouth shut you idiot! She's still gonna kick your butt, just not today!
Hoping that it wasn't a case of too little, too late, I clammed up and avoided her like the plague for the rest of my school career and have avoided contact with her in all forms of social media! She threatened me a couple more times but it never turned into anything. But that didn't stop me from being afraid of her.
She did get back at me by convincing someone to squeeze an entire tube of Aim toothpaste into my sleeping bag during the Girl Scout camping trip to Bear Mountain.
So what is my reason for telling this story? I am not sure and it certainly doesn't paint a pretty picture of my childhood...Oh yeah! Because I believe that this was my first encounter with the DUH Factor.
The DUH Factor is a knowing. Knowing that you've always had the power to change things-the world-your behavior-your hiding place for toothpaste when on any Girl Scout outing-and most importantly to change your mind!
Since starting this whole new lifestyle, I have completely changed the way I look at so many things. One is the way I look at myself. I am brutal on myself. I need to be much kinder and gentler to me. DUH! Another is the way I approach stressful situations. That fight or flight reflex kicks in and I automatically go into stress over-drive! Sweat beads on my brow and the back of my neck, my throat gets dry and tight, my heart rate accelerates at an alarmingly quick clip...if I would just remember to breathe and let the stress happen, my reaction wouldn't take such a physical toll. DUH!
A very long time ago, I learned that food and fun and food and stress and food and sadness and food and loss and food and insecurity go hand in hand in...well, you see my point.
Now, I look back and realize that I never had to carry that with me. DUH! The bully on the playground was a million times less harmful to me than the bully in my head telling me that food was the way to alleviate everything stressful and bad in my life.
So, since I am still at the beginning of my journey, I am learning that food is not a replacement for love or friendship or loss. It is not my friend. It is not my enemy. Food is for sustenance and health and well being. DUH!
I am also learning that my tendency toward being over-weight is not who I am. It doesn't define me...well, it doesn't have to define me. I think, perhaps, I am still working on that one.
The most important lesson that I am still learning is that I have a choice in this matter. The tragedies and sorrows of my life don't need to be my excuse for my obesity. I think that my mother and her mother and maybe even her mother's mother, truly believed that they didn't have too many choices in life. You get what you get.
I don't believe that.
And I also figured out that we don't get one chance or five chances or no chances...we get an infinite...OK maybe not infinite because we are all gonna die someday-DUH!...we get a myriad of chances every day to make at least one or one million right decisions. Sometimes, we are aware of the choices we make against the challenges with which we are faced. Sometimes we have to look for choices. Sometimes fate steps in and rips that choice right out from under your feet. But we can still remain standing!
Take a good, long look at yourself and say "Hmmm...there's a lot of room for improvement." Then, find out what needs the most work and one day and one bad habit and one quirk or whatever-at a time...choose to change. DUH! Just change one thing. One behavior that derails your chances of reaching your potential! DUH!
No comments:
Post a Comment