"It's Coming on Christmas, They're Cutting Down Trees"

It's that special time of year again.

A time of joy, love, peace and good will toward our fellow man.

We look on it with fear and dread.

We long for there to be more hours in the day and more money in our bank accounts.

The children maybe nestled all snug and envisioning sugar plums or whatever,
but the adults are scrambling to get it all done; running on caffeine, fast food and not enough sleep.

We are bombarded with commercials that promise if we shop in a certain store we will be able to accomplish amazing feats of giving, baking, decorating and staying within our budgets.

Images of shiny red luxury vehicles glistening in the snow replete with a huge red ribbon are lighting up our HD TVs. All you need to do is wish and it will be out in your driveway on Christmas morning.

I'm not buying into the hype this year!

I'm trying to keep the true meaning of the holiday season in the forefront of my mind this year. I am trying to remember that it is not just about what we buy and how we decorate or how many cookies we bake.

In my house, growing up, Christmas was a marathon of cooking, decorating, baking, cleaning, shopping and wrapping. My mother loved to entertain on the holidays. She set a high bar and I have always tried to live up to her ideals.

But, over the past few years, I have come to realize that maybe she over did it just a smidge.

I have tried to pare it down to less cookies and less shopping and being more present than actually giving presents.

No easy task. I have become a holiday perfectionist. If I can't get it all in; from writing out cards to finding the perfect gift you didn't know you wanted; I feel like a failure.

But if the past year has taught me anything, it is how to put things in perspective. I have learned that being perfect and getting it all done isn't as important as being present in my life and spending time with the people I love doing things that make me and others happy.

So I will shop, bake, decorate, wrap, watch Christmas movies, bask in the glow of my family and friends, and I will try to remember what the whole point of the season is: LOVE.

"It's Been a Long Lonely, Lonely, Lonely Time"

It would seem that loss has created a loss for words.

It's not that I haven't mulled things over in my mind or even that I haven't felt compelled to write. It's just that I absolutely couldn't bring my butt to the chair and open the computer and put it all down.

I didn't want to end up laying myself bare like that. I didn't want to bring anyone down. All two of you.

I didn't want to admit it.

I lost my best friend.

She is gone. She had been disappearing for a long time and I thought I couldn't miss her any more than I already had since this wretched illness took away her essence.

But then she was ripped out of my life. Suddenly. Tragically.Completely.

Ours was a rare and true friendship. I won't degrade it by trying to describe it here. Suffice to say, we were soul mates. We went through everything together.

When a tragedy occurs, people want to comfort you. They say things like "If there is anything I can do..." or "She's in a better place..." And it does seem to help, for an instant, take away some of the sting.

But time passes. Life goes on. The leaves change. Super storms come and go. Nor'easters hit. People get busy.

Then all the "Firsts" follow. First her birthday. More losses. Then Thanksgiving. Now the holidays. And it all goes sailing by while you still mourn.

While I still mourn. While I try to wrap my head around why it had to be her. Why not me? Why not some terrible person who did terrible things?

It only takes a few weeks to realize that this way of thinking is futile. It wasn't me. It wasn't some terrible person. It was her. And she was extraordinary. She was beyond description. She was definitely at the top of the "Nice" list.

Right before Thanksgiving, I was struck by a thought. I began to think about all of the amazing times we had. The funny moments that no one would think were funny. Our life together, and her life in general, went floating through my mind like a movie montage. A really great movie montage with the perfect music edited in.

I found myself smiling and dumbstruck. I never really thought of myself as a lucky person. It hit my like ton of bricks. Maybe I wouldn't be a millionaire lottery winner. Maybe I don't do too well at the slots. I think I've won two raffles in my life.

But in the lottery of friendship...man, was I blessed! How can it be that a plain, old, ordinary person like me got to be the person she picked to be her best friend? It's mind boggling.

The world will forever seem a little dimmer now that she is gone. But all I have to do is close my eyes and I see her radiant smile and her sparkly blue eyes and I remember to be grateful that God put her in my life at all.