Where Are You, Christmas?

Oh, there you are!!!

Can't Blog...(changed the name in hopes porn seekers will desist)

It has been awhile since I have posted anything on this blog due to an Internet issue on my laptop.


I had all these inspirational thoughts at Thanksgiving and even more food thoughts! Too bad the turkey coma pushed them right out of my head.


Think I was going to discuss how lucky and blessed I was and how this is the perfect time to reflect on all that crap.


I also think I had something to say about being thankful for my family and friends and the bounty on our tables...Yadda Yadda Yadda


Several days and a lung-splitting cold later, I don't feel so blessed and lucky!


My computer broke and I lack the funds for a new one or even to repair this one; my brother had some lame excuse as to why he couldn't come to Thanksgiving dinner; I cooked for thirteen people none of whom was my spouse; and I had no left over turkey!


The best part of Thanksgiving is my special sandwich!


Today, I had a poor substitute for it but it just wasn't the same. I had a back up turkey and everything but when I went to cook it the day after, it was rotten! Ick. I could gag just thinking of it! 


Oh, well. Not the end of the world. But, not the best way for me to kick off this holiday season either. 


The thought of going through the motions this year is filling me with...nothing...I feel very little about it. Maybe I need to get out to the stores and then I'll feel the magic. I saw some nicely decorated houses last night. Eh...big deal. I also went to church for the first Sunday of Advent...that should get my holiday juices flowing... not so much. 


It was the first Sunday of the New Roman Missal as well. Nobody knew what they were doing. Kinda sad. I couldn't pay attention to the priest. Does not bode well for my spiritual nourishment this holiday season, does it?


My husband is from Pennsylvania. They have some weird sayings in the Big Rectangle. One of them is where my inspiration for the title of this post came from: Can't dance, too wet to plough. Translation: an indifferent "Might as well...Nothing better to do..." followed by an un-invested shrug.


So my choice of title reflects this self-proclaimed Christmas dork's feelings about the coming days...I'll write about the holidays...but it doesn't mean I'll enjoy it!

"It's comin' on Christmas, Theyre cuttin' down trees..." JM

No surprises about the holidays being here already.

We get the same three hundred and sixty five days between each year, don't we? Sometimes the turkey is roasted a little earlier and the Hanukkah candles can be lit earlier or later, but Christmas and New Year's Eve come the same day every year and we always act surprised.

That never ceases to baffle me.

We knew it was coming. Remember last year when you said "Next year I'll be ready!"?

I know that retailers put the pressure on us by decorating the stores and putting out the ads earlier and earlier.

On election day (which, by the way, was less than a week ago!), I saw the first real sign that Halloween was over and we barely have time to buy our turkeys. The big white sign with hand-painted lettering that says X-mas Trees!

That sign fills me with trepidation. A cold, hard dread in the pit of my being.

To be completely honest, I never even put my Christmas linens in storage last year. They are sitting in my bedroom in collapsible laundry baskets which I move from place to place telling myself I'll get to it.

I never did my Spring cleaning and have yet to do my fall spruce-up and now it's time to figure out where to put the tree.

How did that happen?

I knew it was coming.

Last year I vowed to be ready.

Farbsday!! Where are you when I really need you???

Is There Anybody Out There?

So I am writing this blog because I like to see my thoughts in print in hopes of being inspired to change...what? Change my life? Maybe. Change my way of thinking about myself? That's possible. Change the way other people think about me? Not bloody likely.

I think I am writing this mostly for me. It's an addendum to my previous attempts at journal-keeping.

I began writing in a spiral notebook in my last year of high school. Then it went into bound books and I was pretty consistent. Unless something terrible was going on in my life. Then, entries were, at best, sporadic. Sometimes it would be over a year between each entry.

When I look back at those old journals so I can get in touch with my former self, I realize that most of the time I was trying to inspire myself to be better. Better at something or better than something. Or someone. Or myself.

There was a lot of whining and pining. Whining about my situation in life or pining to be somewhere else or someone else. Pining for a lover who didn't even know I was alive. If he did, he never saw me in that light. I was a good "friend" to have around. This is not one specific person, by the way. It was most men (or boys depending on the time frame.)

But I look back at the posts that I have written here. Laying myself and my misfortunes and my faults and my thoughts out for an unknown audience.

I see a few hits on this blog. I put the address on facebook but I have not really invited too many people in to see the "real" me. Let's face it-I don't think there is a "real" me to be seen.

I am also inviting people to have a glimpse of my personal skew on, say, food or holidays or friendship. It leaves me open to interpretation. It leaves me open to criticism. It's OK. I've never shirked from criticism. I am my own worst critic. I am forever slamming myself for things I've done or not done in my life.

I am nothing remarkable. This blog is not about conceit or over-confidence. It's just a place to put my thoughts. (Random as they may seem to the reader.)

So, if you are reading me to read me, post a comment. Or follow me. I am following a couple of people myself. It's interesting to look in on people's lives once in awhile.

I used to walk for exercise and I preferred to walk around dusk because I could look into people's windows as I passed by. I might see someone talking on the phone. I might catch a family sitting down to dinner.I could see how they decorated their dining room. I could hear what kind of music they liked. Maybe I would catch the fragrance of something they were baking in the oven. Or see what they were watching on television. Maybe there is a father and son playing catch on the lawn making the most of the last glimmer of daylight. Or a sad-looking old man might be sweeping off his walkway.

This what reading someone's blog feels like to me. I am not invading their privacy. I am just curious about people. I am curious about how other people live their lives.

Feel free to read me. I'm an open blog.

It's About Time

Actually, it's about making time.

I don't know anyone this day and age who does not wish they had more time in their day/week/month/year/lifetime. Don't you?

I have major limits on my time these days. Don't get me wrong. I am responsible for the time constraints I face each day.

We all have work and responsibilities. Some of us have children (well, not me personally) or pets or family members or friends or other types of obligations that limit the amount of time we have to do more of the things that we want.

I am a HUGE procrastinator. That takes up whatever free time I have leftover from my busy schedule. I often think that if I could just get myself moving, I would accomplish a ton each day.

Back in the day, when I used to actually go out on a regular basis, I would spend hours getting ready. But very little of that time was actually used to accomplish anything. I could get myself ready in very little time. The thing that held me up was getting started to get ready.

It's my mantra today-it doesn't take me a long time to get ready, it takes me a long time to get started. And I married a procrastinator.

If I added up all the time in my life that I have spent procrastinating, I'd have a couple of extra years of free time!

Enter Farbsday.

A long time ago, my dear friend and I were talking and we decided that all we needed in life was an extra day. She said, laughingly, "We'll call it Farbsday!" I don't know why, but, Farbsday stuck with me and I have longed for it ever since.

Every once in awhile, I post it on Facebook that I am starting a movement to add this day to our week. We should be able to whittle a couple of hours here and there. And there would be absolute laws for Farbsday that would never be able to be amended or tampered with. It will be a day for catching up. No one will be allowed to do anything that is disagreeable to them. No one will be allowed to schedule showers or birthday parties or weddings or funerals or holy days of obligation or big projects on Farbsday. It will be for catching up on reading or seeing friends or making a nice dinner for our families instead of a thrown together meal at the last minute.

It will be about savoring every exquisite second we have doing only things we love or seeing only people we love.

Sounds perfect doesn't it?

I am one of those people that, when someone says "let's get together!" I think to myself "Yeah, right. Like I have time for that!" But I usually say yes knowing that we'll never end up making plans anyway.

I remember watching a segment on a morning show about Oprah. It was kind of like a day in the life of the busiest woman in America. I learned a few things. One is that Oprah does not set an alarm clock. She relies (or did then) on her own internal clock to get her up on time and she never snoozed. She just woke up at some ridiculous hour like 4 in the morning and just got out of bed and started her day.

No alarm clock? No snoozing? Unfathomable. But I realized that Oprah is an exceptionally organized woman. I'm sure it helps that she has people to keep her on track-assistants and publicists and the like. But, the idea and the simplicity of just waking and beginning your day is absolutely brilliant.

My issues with time are mostly of my own making. My feeble excuses for finding time are starting to wear thin on my own nerves. I am feeling a call to action.

This past week, I heard from an old friend. He's been saying we should get together and I have been giving him my stock answer of OK but never pinning anything down. This time I said OK and gave a day and time and we met last night for drinks at our old haunt. It was a lovely evening of catching up and reminiscing and I enjoyed every precious second!

My procrastinating style is of the all-or-nothing variety. I feel like I don't want to start cleaning out my closet if I can't complete the project all at once so I don't ever clean out that closet. Then, when I finally get enough free time to do it, I waste so much time stalling and negotiating with myself that, before I know it, I am out of time. My stall tactic is usually telling myself how busy I've been and how I deserve a little me time and I should relish it. Yadda Yadda Yadda!

This week, I turned a corner in that I decided to make use of even the smallest amounts of time. It's a work in progress but I have accomplished some minor things like drinks with a friend and getting right in the shower this morning instead of watching Matt Lauer.

And I made time for blogging.

It's my new leaf. I turned it over and I am going to make a conscious effort to meet up with people when I'm invited and stop using my lack of time as an excuse for not accomplishing anything.

These little snippets of time add up to a lot of wasted time so I am vowing here and now to use them to their best advantage. But first I have to watch Harry Potter. Is it Farbsday yet??

Treat or Treat

Today is Halloween. All the little Ninjas and Princesses and ghosts and goblins are taking to the streets. They are ringing the bell and begging for treats. They don't even say "Trick or treat" anymore. They just open their bags and wait. When I ask "What do you say?" they usually say "Thank you". I'm considering only giving Skittles and keeping all the chocolate!

And so begins the season of eating.

It is the time of year that fluffy people either dread or long for.

The weather is colder and we can wear bulkier clothes and cover up more. We can also place the blame for looking larger on those clothes.

We can stay indoors and have an excuse for being a couch potato.

It's also the time of year when we have excuses for over-eating.

I waited on purpose this year to buy my candy and the ingredients for my annual "Ghosts in the Graveyard" dessert I make every year for my co-workers. I knew that those packages of Oreos would not be safe. Instead, I purchased everything on Thursday evening of last week. By the time my husband got home from work, I had eaten about 5 "Fun Size" Almond Joys while making grilled cheese sandwiches (and sampling the cheese, of course!) and tomato soup for dinner. (Including Cheez-its for the soup!) (Don't look at me like that! They were "Reduced Fat"!)

I was beyond full and still ate all my dinner. (And a couple/three/four more Almond Joys. Hey, sometimes you feel like a nut!)

The eating season has begun. (As if I need a reason!) 

It's all downhill from here. First, it's the Halloween candy. Next thing you know, it's time to have pumpkin muffins and cinnamon lattes! Then pies and turkey and gravy and stuffing and sweet potatoes. As if it isn't hard enough all the time for a compulsive eater to try to do the right thing. Now they make everything look so festive and appetizing. I don't have a chance of keeping my eating under control!

Well, let's face it. I wasn't really making much of an effort.

At this time of year, I begin to dread it all. It's a love/hate relationship. I love the holidays. I hate the holidays.

I love decorating and prepping and cooking and baking and cleaning and shopping. I really do love it. That's why I hate it.

I hate that I love spending all that money and time I don't have getting it all done.

This year, money and time are an even more rare commodity in my life. And, as I am sure you surmised by previous posts, I don't exactly have my shit together!

Let's face it, even the most organized person can be worn down to the nub by holiday preparation! And, of late, I am anything but organized.

But I will make my lists and spend money I don't have and somehow manage to get it done and on New Year's Eve I'll turn around and wonder if I had a good time over the holidays.

And it's only November 1st!