So I am writing this blog because I like to see my thoughts in print in hopes of being inspired to change...what? Change my life? Maybe. Change my way of thinking about myself? That's possible. Change the way other people think about me? Not bloody likely.
I think I am writing this mostly for me. It's an addendum to my previous attempts at journal-keeping.
I began writing in a spiral notebook in my last year of high school. Then it went into bound books and I was pretty consistent. Unless something terrible was going on in my life. Then, entries were, at best, sporadic. Sometimes it would be over a year between each entry.
When I look back at those old journals so I can get in touch with my former self, I realize that most of the time I was trying to inspire myself to be better. Better at something or better than something. Or someone. Or myself.
There was a lot of whining and pining. Whining about my situation in life or pining to be somewhere else or someone else. Pining for a lover who didn't even know I was alive. If he did, he never saw me in that light. I was a good "friend" to have around. This is not one specific person, by the way. It was most men (or boys depending on the time frame.)
But I look back at the posts that I have written here. Laying myself and my misfortunes and my faults and my thoughts out for an unknown audience.
I see a few hits on this blog. I put the address on facebook but I have not really invited too many people in to see the "real" me. Let's face it-I don't think there is a "real" me to be seen.
I am also inviting people to have a glimpse of my personal skew on, say, food or holidays or friendship. It leaves me open to interpretation. It leaves me open to criticism. It's OK. I've never shirked from criticism. I am my own worst critic. I am forever slamming myself for things I've done or not done in my life.
I am nothing remarkable. This blog is not about conceit or over-confidence. It's just a place to put my thoughts. (Random as they may seem to the reader.)
So, if you are reading me to read me, post a comment. Or follow me. I am following a couple of people myself. It's interesting to look in on people's lives once in awhile.
I used to walk for exercise and I preferred to walk around dusk because I could look into people's windows as I passed by. I might see someone talking on the phone. I might catch a family sitting down to dinner.I could see how they decorated their dining room. I could hear what kind of music they liked. Maybe I would catch the fragrance of something they were baking in the oven. Or see what they were watching on television. Maybe there is a father and son playing catch on the lawn making the most of the last glimmer of daylight. Or a sad-looking old man might be sweeping off his walkway.
This what reading someone's blog feels like to me. I am not invading their privacy. I am just curious about people. I am curious about how other people live their lives.
Feel free to read me. I'm an open blog.
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