Tonight I Gotta Cut Loose...

Tonight was a trip down memory lane. Whoever said that you can't go home again may have had a point.

Tonight I went home to my old high school to see a show-the BHS All School Musical.

It was one of those bittersweet moments.

I went last year and may have even blogged about it. But, this year, they did Footloose. It was Dianna's favorite. For those of you who don't know, Dianna is my best friend and she passed away last year.

The auditorium is the same. Only the name has been changed. The seats are much nicer and there is air conditioning and real light and sound systems now instead of a guy working with primitive equipment that you wouldn't go near for fear of being electrocuted and one in the balcony working the follow spot.

But, the stage is the same. The walls behind the stage are the same too.

Somewhere, under thirty years of paint, is my name on those walls behind that stage I stood on so many times.

And her name is there too. My best friend. The one who got me through those years. My Dianna.

The first time we signed our names we were in seventh grade. We were so young and innocent and naive. I can't help but wonder if they still carry on that tradition of marking up the walls back stage.

As I entered, it wasn't as much of a shock as it was last year when I went to see Bye Bye, Birdie. Thirty years ago, the seats were wood and the walls were blue. Now the seats are plush and the walls a creamy white with the accents around the stage etched in gold. The curtain was nondescript...maybe blue...maybe brown. Now it is a lush, red  velvet. So appropriately theatrical. The kids wear head mics.

The performers are practically the same. The awkward, freshman boys with squeaky voices and lanky limbs who are in the show because they are male and have a pulse. The girls are a little different, much more mature at thirteen and fourteen than back in my day. But still, I can see the insecurity in their movements, the contradiction-tentative and confident and then tentative again. The older girls look much older. 

I look at the program and so many of the last names are the same...including one eighth grader who is the daughter of two of my very first school friends. Their child is one of the amazingly confident ones. And an exceptionally talented dancer. She's the reason I went tonight.

This year when I entered Rowe Hall, as it is now so aptly named after my all-time favorite English and drama teacher, I found myself thinking of Dianna-the show was Footloose which came out after we graduated high school. But it was her favorite movie. She dragged me to that movie many, many, many times. Did I say "many"? Many.

We had the soundtrack and listened to it over and over. We acted out the songs. It was her movie. It was all about dancing and, God, how she loved to dance.

I couldn't help being distracted by all the memories. I looked up at that stage and I saw us at all the rehearsals. We spent more time there than at home. We did our homework there and ate our meals there. We were even granted permission by Mr. Rowe himself to be in there during free periods. If the set was up for a show, we hung out on the stage. I sometimes hid out there hoping that no on would find me and at the same time wishing someone would at least come looking. Only Dianna knew that.

The performance tonight was pretty good but there were a couple of times when she would have cringed at the botching of one of her favorite numbers. I know she so would have loved the dancing. We didn't have much choreography back when we were in school so the dance numbers were usually pretty lame.

The kids tonight put on a show that was all about dancing and man, did they dance! Break dancing, line dancing, jazz and funk...amazing. I loved that part of it. But I missed my friend. It's always times like this, the most ordinary of moments, that I feel the empty space she left in my life...in my heart.

At one point, I was having trouble concentrating on the play and thinking of Dianna and the times we shared...I was very close to tears and they were doing a scene that was very similar to the movie and in the background there was music playing. It took me about thirty seconds to realize that it was her song-her high school anthem-and I knew.

I knew she was right there with me bopping and remembering and singing at the top of her lungs.

"Lose your blues. Everybody cut foot loose!"

Marking Time

I know that I have mentioned this before in previous posts, but it's that time of year again and I feel the need to acknowledge my trepidation. I hope it will not bore the three of you.

This time of year is always bittersweet for me. As soon as I buy my mums and put out my pumpkins, I start getting that panicky feeling that time is getting away from me.

Maybe because...well...it is.

I work in a business that is marked by time. My clients come in on the half hour, sometimes every half hour for each day I work which is anywhere from six to ten to sometimes twelve hours per day. Those days when I am completely booked fill me with a strange combination of satisfaction and dread.

We are coming into an extremely (God willing) busy time. The business of beauty booms during the silly season. Please don't misconstrue. I am so very grateful to be busy and am humbled by my steady and loyal clientele.

But when you measure time in half hour increments it gets away from you.

On Halloween night, someone posted a picture with the caption "Happy Halloween" while she was standing in the midst of a fully decked out holiday wonderland. I think it was Target.

I started seeing commercials for the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City in August. There was also an ad for a layaway at Kmart with a stalking gingerbread man airing in September. Once October began, it was a full on assault. Christmas and Hanuka items making their appearances in my local market before October first and garland and twinkle lights on sale at the local drug store two weeks before Halloween (which, by the way, was only four days ago!).

Ticking off the days, minutes and hours of our lives takes its toll. Measured time moves much quicker and we get overwhelmed because we are forever looking at what is next.

I find it difficult to remain calm and collected during this time of year because I want to get to work on time so I can stay on time so I can get out on time so I can get some shopping done before the malls close.

It's exhausting and I haven't even begun to do any of that yet. I am still in the list-making stages. Another very time consuming undertaking to keep me on schedule so I will have enough time to get it all done before I have ever gotten the  chance to start.

And then we went and turned the clocks back last night and I don't know where the hell that hour went!

This exactly why I begin to panic once October is over. I am so stressed about enjoying the time that I over-schedule and run behind and procrastinate and the next thing I know, it's Christmas Eve at two a.m. and I am wrapping presents until it is light out. I get to savor all of fifteen minutes of the entire season.

This happens every year. Why don't I ever see it coming? They tried to warn me, right? There were commercials and Christmas in July on QVC. There were signs everywhere and I still did not have the foresight to be ready.

I think this will be the year that I will be ready and I will try to savor some of it. I will shop early and cut down on my list making and I will try very hard to stay in the moment and not put my Christmas Cd's in my car until after Thanksgiving. 

I have been making changes so I can enjoy my life, right?

Oh, crap! I forgot about all my lifestyle changes! How will I ever fit in learning how to bake with millet flour and quinoa while still managing to hang my organic, recyclable wreath?

Good thing it is only November 3. I still have fifty whole days left to shop, bake, wrap and revel. So, for now, I will just try to stay in the moment.

Happy Election Day, everyone!