So I took a brief hiatus. Not much a fan of that word. Perhaps sabbatical is a better choice. Or a much needed break from cyber-space.
How ever you choose to look at it, I was feeling the pressures of a too-busy life to make the time to sit down and sort out my thoughts.
I was rarely on the social networks. I played a minimal amount of Words on my smart phone but even that became lackluster after awhile.
I am back and somewhat refreshed.
Two weeks ago, was "Fat Tuesday" and then the season of Lent began. As I have stated before, I am not the best at the "Faith" game. I have been trying to reconcile myself to my Catholic roots. It is very difficult. There are many Church doctrines that I disagree with and I am sure at least half the Catholics out there find it difficult to fully comply with some of the laws. But I am looking at it as a way through to my spirituality.
This quest has been going on since I was a child. I knew people of many faiths, mostly Christian based. I always envied my friends who just knew that there was a God and that all the bible stated was true. To just know like that...without question or doubt. Many had fear. My Evangelist friend read a story to me from the bible about Jesus and how light poured from him and his voice was like a running stream and she was terrified of this image and it made her love Him all the more. I just thought it was a beautiful story and a beautiful image of her savior.
Recently, going through what I have of late, I have come to realize that there is this Higher Power or Consciousness. For me, anyway. There is something out there besides the science of it all. Many will disagree. Many will become angry and many will try to tell me that I am saved. I don't know about that. It's not up to me.
I have read the Bible. Well, most of it. Deuteronomy and Numbers and Judges should be skimmed through. They don't really translate completely. There are some discrepancies. There are some stories that are repeated several times with different facts. I suppose this goes back to a time when people translated stories through generations without ever writing them down. By the time they were written down, they had been altered and embellished by the tellers.
But the essential story of Christianity, early Christianity, is so basic and repeated over in so many faiths that I have to wonder what all this fuss was about.
If we believe that Jesus was a man who walked the Earth before he was found to be the Son of God, we realize that all he wanted was for everyone to just get along. No matter what their background, race, social standing, sex, or behavior. He just wanted us to love one another and forgive each other for all our shortcomings.
That sounds like a wonderful concept. Imagine.
What's so terrible about a belief in something that abhors hatred of any kind. I heard something recently that Hate is not the Opposite of Love. Fear is the Opposite of Love. In the case of Jesus, this may be true.
I am reading a book on catechism and I squirm when I get to the parts that make most people, especially Christians, feel uncomfortable. Abortion, birth control, divorce, homosexuality, etc. Some of my closest acquaintances have had abortions, are gay, are divorced and re-married. I, myself, have delved into the reproductive sciences to try to conceive a child. I am staunch supporter of stem cell research and treatments. Many I know have conceived out of wedlock. The catechism will even have us spurn Yoga and other forms of spiritual enlightenment or esotericism. I've gone to psychics. I am not a follower of Satan. I believe that fear has stood in the way of progress in Christianity. If I am to believe what I have learned through my spiritual journey, God loves us no matter what. Jesus loved the leper, the tax collector, the prostitutes, the social outcasts. He abhorred pride and self-righteous zealots.
I hope and pray every day to someone or something. I find comfort in the fact that there is more...that when someone is gone they are not completely gone. It may be faith or wishful thinking. Maybe I am just another example of a sinner putting her own spin on faith so it conforms to her needs.
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."
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