I've Been Up, Down, Tryin' To Get the Spirit Again...

At this time of year, more than others, we are all called to find the spirit of the season.


Back in Victorian times, it was common to tell ghost stories on Christmas Eve. Hence, the story of Ebeneezer Scrooge, I suppose. 


Is that where the term "Christmas spirit" originated?


Scrooge was living a life of greed and selfishness. He had become hardened to any kind of charitable deed. He felt that people should learn to help themselves and not count on charity for their daily bread. Good old Ebeneezer felt that he worked hard and sacrificed for his fortune and so should everyone else.


At that time in history, it was a very similar economic situation to what we have now. There was the wealthy, upper-class and the poor. The extremely poor  families were relegated to what they called "work-houses" which kept the homeless off the streets. But the streets were most likely safer. There was filth, dysentery and illness running rampant in the work-houses. And these places, along with orphanages, were all kept running through the charity of strangers. There was not an over-abundance of good will in Victorian times. 


Nowadays, it seems that people are either extremely wealthy or not. I am in the "NOT" category. There doesn't seem to be much of a middle class anymore. Those friends of mine that are in the so-called "middle" are actually families that are taking in about double what my husband and I earn together. I used to consider them well-to-do. And those people are feeling the crunch and cutting back too. Just like in the time of Scrooge, the less fortunate are forced to call upon the kindness of strangers.


I know that there are people out there who are just smart about money and know how to save and get by with as little as possible. There are tons of people who shop in the discount stores and border on extreme couponers. But, it is really beginning to frighten me how many people; families and couples with two full-time incomes plus a part-time job or two; are they are struggling to find the funds for life's little extras! 


Extras like Christmas.


So, without really having much saved for my holiday shopping, I am hard-pressed for the extras of donating to my usual charities. All I've managed so far is to donate some groceries to some scouts outside my super-market when I was shopping for my Thanksgiving dinner and some canned goods to the church food pantry.


Even my Sunday donations to my church have been a little on the paltry side. I'm so afraid to spend the money on anything extra because I want to make sure I have enough...enough for what? How do we even know what "enough" is?


Last week, I was home sick and I wanted to make some chicken soup. I went to the store and bought some chicken, a bunch of celery, a bunch of carrots, canned broth, and grated cheese. That cost me $40! I had soup every day for the next four days but was it worth that money? I could have bought several cans and it still would have cost me less. When did prepared food become more economical than cooking your own? What the heck???


Since giving is, in my mind, all wrapped up with my holiday spirit, I am truly finding it very difficult to find my motivation this season. I know it shouldn't be that important to me, but it is. Giving gives me joy. How will it all turn out if I don't find the spirit? And why does spirit have to have a dollar sign attached to it? Even if I went the so-called home-made route, it still costs money. And the whole lotto thing doesn't seem to be working out for me!


So this season, I am in search of my spirit. Every once in awhile, I get the feeling but then I look at reality and wonder if it was just agita.

Holiday Madness

Nothing tightens my colon more than the Holiday Rush!


I spend hours trying to figure out how to get all the bills paid and still find a little leftover for the small amount of shopping I need to do.


I just paid a boatload of bills and am hoping that it all works out in the end so I can pay my rent by next Friday and still get an outfit for my work Christmas party that weekend!


I don't know how we do it. We, all of us, have crazy, chaotic lives and are dealing with a less than stellar economy and yet we all find the time and the finances to get it done. 


OK. Maybe my electric bill will have to go one more month and maybe I'll have to cut back on my cookies. But, there will be cookies and gifts and food galore.


And the time? Where does the time come from? It's like we pull it out of thin air!


Those of you who have children and live by their schedules will somehow manage to squeeze in all that shopping and baking and decorating. 


Those who work seventy five hours a week will also find the time to make merry.


I remember my mother saying that when it got to be too difficult and she didn't enjoy it anymore, she would stop all the extras. Unfortunately, she never got a choice in the matter. Her tired heart gave out before her Christmas spirit did!


Last week, when I was sick and feeling sorry for myself (I still am, by the way), I thought for a few days that I wouldn't do it this year. Someone else was going to have to get it all done. No cookies. No shopping except for immediate family and my best friend's son. No decorating. No marathon gift wrap on Christmas Eve. I'd hardly be home to enjoy it anyway.


Then I started thinking about my mother. How, in spite of impossible handicaps and situations, Christmas always came. Every year. When we were flat broke, she still found a way to get the gifts under the tree and feed fifty or sixty of her closest friends and relatives. When she was weeks and weeks in the hospital, she found a way to always keep the spirit of the holidays. 


I think that's why I love Christmas so much. I think that's why it was so hard for me to not feel that spirit. Her spirit. A part of my mother is still alive in me. It wouldn't be fair to her memory to just let a holiday pass me by without celebrating. No matter what is going on with me personally. 


I will fake it 'til I make it this year and eventually, the spirit will find me and I'll see the magic again. I hope it's soon. Only twenty three days!


Oh, crap! What am I doing here? I have a ton of shopping to do!!!