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So, it's January twenty something or other in the year 2012.

I'm still waiting for my inspiration.

I am completely sick of the sight of Jennifer Hudson singing that she is me!

The thing that kills me is people are buying into the hype. The hype that you could be just like she is. Except I'm not a twenty-something, Oscar-winning, unlimited-resources type of gal. Who is?

I had hoped that, by this time, I'd be ready to start...something. Weight-loss program. Bills up to date. Learn how to manage my time. De-clutter my apartment.

As I sit here writing this blog, nothing like that has occurred.

I am two weeks or more behind on my bills. I have yet to even consider joining or starting a weight loss program. I added something to my schedule when I had no time already. And my Christmas tree is still standing in my living room, fully decorated.

I have been fantasizing again about a mild bout of appendicitis or food poisoning that puts me in the hospital  and causes rapid weight loss but doesn't threaten my life. I could use the rest and someone else taking care of me for a change. And I could use a head start on my diet. But that would totally not help my situation at all because I have no health insurance and would end up way worse off than I am right now by adding a huge hospital bill to the mix. Plus, I'd gain the all the weight back in a week anyway.

So what else? I could say no to the people demanding my time. Nah. That's not an option. They need me! (You may not be reading it that way but I wrote it with a very sarcastic tone.)

I could start with small steps. Cutting down on eating crap and maybe taking a walk once in awhile. Saying no every couple of months. Yeah. I don't see that happening any time soon, either. Too much like work.

Another fantasy I have is going somewhere not too vacationy and staying at a nice hotel. I could pretend I'm there on business. Or something. I sleep very well at hotels. I could do room service breakfast. Take a walk to whatever downtown area I am staying in and sit on a bench and read. Grab a light lunch in a decent eatery. Go back to my room and order a chick flick and maybe go to the spa for massage or an overpriced manicure.

Here's where the sound of the needle scraping across a record comes in to break me out of my dreamworld! I don't have the money to even stay at a crappy motel let alone spa services and room service! And what would I tell my husband. "Sorry dear, but, I need some me time because I am sick of the sight of you holding down the couch and scratching your butt and making your manly noises!"

I could go full throttle and have my lotto fantasy but I like to keep my feet on the ground and try not get all lottery-eyed during my fantasies. It just makes coming back to reality that much harder!

I guess I'll just go to bed and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow I will work a full day and come home and dust my Christmas tree and most likely have something I shouldn't for dinner like a pizza.

Then I'll go buy a lottery ticket.