Redux: brought back; revived; resurgent...

I am going to consider this post the first real post in Fluffy Girl 2.0.

I am almost two months into this whole life altering...what should I call this... Program? Nah. Change? Redundant. Redux? YES! I am almost two months into my life-changing redux. It's not a noun but if the film industry can take poetic license so can I.

In the movie Princess Bride, Inigo goes back to the beginning  so that is what I am trying to do.

It all began with my addiction to infomercials. My dear friend was addicted to the same infomercial and she took the plunge first. We both purchased a food extractor which takes fruits and vegetables and breaks them down to a level where, when you ingest the drink, you get all the benefits and nutrients without your body first breaking them down. It's sort of like juicing but it utilizes all the fiber and nutrient-rich skins, seeds and stems (some are poisonous so be careful).

For some reason, I felt I couldn't start any of it without that little kitchen appliance.

I re-vamped my pantry and donated all the processed and unhealthy foods that were taking up space. I went through my spice rack and updated it. I made sure that I had only healthy oils and got rid of much of the stuff I thought would de-rail my efforts.

I re-organized my kitchen so that all the things I would be using were right at my fingertips without me having to run and get the stepladder.

Then I investigated a little bit of what I might need to get started. I went shopping and bought leafy greens, fruits, and lots of chicken breasts.

Week one was easy. I cooked ahead of time and did some slow cooker recipes.

Gradually, I have added a bunch of whole grains, more varieties of leafy greens such as collards, mustard, Swiss chard and even beet greens. I use these in my drinks on a daily basis and also cook many quick and easy meals that are healthy and filling.

I learned that fresh ginger, garlic, and turmeric are some very good and especially beneficial things to add to my cooking and also to my drinks.

I also added some "Super Foods" to my repertoire. I added chia seeds, goji berries, flax seeds, pumpkin seeds, quinoa, wheat berries, a variety of vegetables, nuts and legumes, and coconut oil.

Once I started modifying my diet and cooking my meals in a healthier way, I instantly felt better. I had more energy, my mood improved, and I immediately saw weight loss.

It takes a little time and planning to make sure that I have the right things at the ready. I keep a journal of what I eat in the form of a menu, how much I move, and even a weekly to do list just to keep track. Every week I start with Day One because every week I go back to the beginning.

I have eliminated refined sugar for the most part. I no longer drink diet soda. I was totally addicted to diet cola! I drink one cup of coffee in the morning then I might have de-caf or herbal or green tea. I use stevia, agave and raw honey to make things sweeter. I avoid most white starches. If I have them, it's in small quantities no more than two times a week.

I drink mostly water and sometimes I use the Soda Stream my sister got us for Christmas and have home made seltzer with limes, lemons, apples, cucumbers.

I am a food addict. I am a junk food junkie. I do not miss these foods. Let me say it again. I do not miss these foods. I have replaced them with the real deal. Real food. Real home-cooking.

I don't need to have take-out or drive-thru meals every day. I don't even have cold cuts any more. I do not feel deprived. If I truly want something, like pizza, I will have it in moderation and maybe in a healthier way. Make my own with fresh veggies and whole wheat crust. 

One thing I do miss is chocolate. I have been buying those fancy dark chocolate bars. I make sure they are Organic and have more than fifty percent cacao in them. A little bit satisfies my craving. One bar lasts me a couple of weeks. Sometimes I will have it with berries or raisins or a little all-natural peanut butter.

I am trying to eat mostly clean and whole foods. I try to use organic when I can afford it. Otherwise I look for things that say "all natural" because these are mostly foods that are not grown or raised with hormones.

By brown-bagging my lunch, drinking filtered water, and not buying pre-made meals, I am saving money. I buy fruits that can be frozen when they are on sale such as berries, grapes, bananas, mangoes and pineapples and put them in freezer bags. It makes my smoothies nice and cold without having to add ice.

When my leafy greens are starting to wilt I make soup or sautee them with beans and spices and add them to my meals.

When summer comes, I will be growing a lot of my own veggies and strawberries in pots on my patio. I am also looking into growing my own sprouts and making my own sprouted breads.

The more I learn about healthier products and switching to whole, clean, organic food, the more I feel like this is a complete lifestyle change.

I am also re-discovering that I am a good cook. There have been a few recipes I made and wondered what I was thinking. But, for the most part, I am thoroughly enjoying the time I spend in my kitchen. I don't even mind the clean up!

I am learning. I will not be perfect but I know that whatever comes my way, if I keep putting healthy things into my body, I will feel better able to meet life's challenges. Life is hard anyway. Why not be healthy while your trying to keep it all together.?

Starting Over

Here we go! Careening through another year. I am not usually happy about time passing but I was not at all unhappy to see last year go.

Without sounding too much like I am on the New Year, New Me bandwagon, I decided about five weeks ago to make this a year of permanent change for me.

I have set some major and minor goals to get me on the road to self-improvement. Trust me, there is plenty of room for that in my life.

Some of my goals will be very private and I will not share here on these pages.

But many of them, I believe, may just be goals that can inspire others to make their own improvements.

Fluffy Girl started out to be a place for me to put my frustrations with my own food addiction. A place to lay it all out and try to make sense of it. But it turned into so much more. I just let it run its course and it took me on a journey of discovery.

I discovered who I don't want to be any more.

Most people, when they see me, see the fat, self deprecating clown. Always trying to beat you to the punch...making jokes about the size of my butt. If they look a little deeper, they will see someone who tries to be current with style and fashion (as current as a woman of size can be) and showers daily. I take care of my teeth and use sunscreen...I haven't let myself go, completely.

But, for a long time now, I've been phoning it in-doing the absolute minimum to make myself "presentable". Obesity not withstanding.

This all sounds so very superficial and, at first, it was.

But then some things started to happen. The knee pain was one of the most noticeable to me. And the swollen feet. I could just about make it through my work day. My feet would look like Macy's balloons by the end of the day. And my ankles looked like they had donuts around them. The shortness of breath was very scary. But then I got used to it. I never got used to the permanent wheeze. The back pain and the neck pain and the joint pain from the strain of packing on the pounds was beginning to take it's toll. My skin looked dull. My hair was thinning. And a lovely side effect of the weight gain that I blamed on hormones was profuse sweating. I have always been a warm person but this was out of control. I used hot flashes as my excuse.

Shortly after the holidays, I had two bouts of illness. The first resulted in terrible cough that lingered for weeks. Then, just as the cough was finally getting better, I had another go and spent three days on the couch crying and moaning.

When I went back to work I was still sweating and dizzy. At one point, I thought I was finally having my heart attack.

Two days later, something inside of me snapped and I realized that I did not want to go down this way. I don't want to be unrealistic and expect to look like a swimsuit model. I've done a lot of damage over the years and even if I was one to go for it, surgery couldn't even fix it all.

But this thing inside of me that clicked into place helped me to decide. It is time to confront my relationship with food and weight gain. I have lost weight numerous times. Substantial amounts. 50, 60, 100, 85 pounds. I have never kept it off for more than a few years and when I gain it back, I end up weighing more than I ever have.

Which is where I am now. Well, five weeks ago, anyway.

I am on week six of a new way of thinking about weight loss and food in general. I have decided to eat whole and clean foods. I am trying to avoid processed foods. I am avoiding take out food of all kinds. I have not had a soda, diet or otherwise, in five weeks. I don't miss the bad stuff. I have replaced it with good stuff.

I finally realize that my relationship with food and what I used food for, was killing me. I need to use food to keep me sustained and I can even eat food that I enjoy and gives me comfort. But those foods don't have to be unhealthy and bad for me. I don't want to go to crazy extremes but the more healthy nutrition I put into my body, the better I am feeling. I have embraced some strange things like goji berries, flax seed, quinoa and kale!

And, so far, it has never felt like a struggle. I am enjoying cooking again. I am no longer a puddle just from standing in line at the bank. I can breathe and my clothes are getting looser.

I have decided not to weigh myself because I don't care where I was. And I don't want to put a number on my goal. That sends the wrong signals to my brain that when I reach that number I will be "finished" with this "diet". This is not a diet. This is a complete lifestyle change. I will be 50 in two short years. I want to be a "young" 50! I want to keep these changes in place forever.

That's not saying that I will never have a "real" cookie or a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. But when I do, it won't be my undoing.

I am fortunate to have great friends that support me and I know my
Angel has her hand on my back.

Fluffy Girl 2.0 is going to be the place for me to put my progress, struggles, and maybe some helpful hints along the way! And recipes too.

Baby steps...

For auld lang syne, my dear...

I am fairly certain that I have written these words before regarding the song we sing to ring in the New Year. Forgive and indulge me and perhaps you'll understand why I must be redundant.

It's an old Sottish drinking song about drinking to old friendships and forgiveness for not remembering to drink to ones we didn't remember, I guess.

It's based on a poem by Robert Burns and I think maybe he was drinking a bit when he wrote the words.

2012 is gone and 2013 is here.

Poor 2013.

There has been so much said and written and posted and "liked" that this poor year doesn't have a chance to live up to the expectations pinned upon her!

Everyone sounds so determined...and I guess they do every year...to make this the one that counts. A year of Peace. A year of happiness. A year of change.

The social media networks began on New Year's Eve and haven't stopped into the wee hours of the First Night with quotes and wishes and hopes of this being a healthy, happy, prosperous, glorious, perfect year.

And it will be for some. Perhaps 2012 was that for others. In spite of what may have gone on in my world, last year may have been a perfect year for so many.

I just think we as a culture put so much on what a new year can actually bring.

I am neither a pessimist nor an optimist. I am more of a pragmatist. Good stuff, bad stuff, happiness, sadness, wealth, poverty...can't have one without the other. The glass is neither half full nor half empty. It is just a glass with water in it.

I do pray every year for a peaceful, healthy, prosperous year for me and for my family and friends. But I am realistic and I know that there will be so many things that life can throw at me to make it tip one way or the other.

I try to embrace the mystery of what the year will bring. Instead of looking to the first day of the year to start anew, I try to do that each day. Most of the time, by the time I hit the snooze button, I've forgotten to be grateful for that first breath of awareness. But each night, I try to stay awake long enough to thank God for it.

So Karma just showed up on my radio! Listening to Pandora as I was re-reading this draft I wrote on New Year's Day (it is currently February 15th), the song Same Auld Lang Syne came on! I was re-reading this and contemplating deleting the post since it was from over a month ago and pondering a change in the theme of my blog or starting a different one altogether. I took this as a sign to keep Fluffy Girl right where she is but change her a little bit. Well, maybe a lot. 

My next post will be the beginning of a new chapter for Fluffy Girl. I hope all three of you, dear readers, will join me on my journey. And I will be tweaking the name ever so slightly! Please stay tuned!