As of 1:09 a.m. today, I will be entering the last year of my forties.
I can't wait to watch it unfold. I have set some major and some minor goals for myself and I would like to accomplish them before I reach that milestone a year from today.
I am hoping that I will be more organized with my time and living a more balanced life. I am hoping to be ready for whatever twists and turns this year may take.
I am hoping to have reached all my health goals by then as well. I have stepped up my efforts these past few weeks and am really feeling strong.
When we hit these milestones, we tend to take stock of our lives and review our failings. I don't want this year to be about what I haven't done in my life. I don't want it to be about fixing mistakes I've made.
I want it to be about moving forward. The past has brought me to this point in my life but I don't need to look behind me to know where I am going. It doesn't mean I will forget or shut out those experiences. I will focus on the present and the future and hopefully not make the same mistakes. And the hard and gritty stuff? I am grateful for it because I know it has made me strong enough for this journey.
My life thus far has prepared me for whatever the year will bring. I am ready. I am pretty sure I am ready. But just in case...
I know that I have been neglecting this blog because I have been quite busy trying to get some new ventures off the ground. However, yesterday, I was inspired by something that occurred at work I would love to share it with all of you.
As I continue on my journey to good health, it becomes more and more obvious to people that something about me has changed. Some notice my haircut. Some notice my "new" Kate Spade glasses that I got last summer. Some want to know where I am going all decked out.
When you get healthy because of changing your diet and exercise habits, things about your appearance begin to change. Your skin looks better. Clothes fit better or you buy new clothes that actually fit. You put more effort into looking good. As I am in the appearance business, people tend to comment. If not directly to me, at least to my coworkers. They ask what you are doing differently. They ask for pointers and advice and recipes.
At least that has been my experience since I began this journey last January.
Yesterday, someone came in to the salon (I may have mentioned that I am a hairdresser and makeup artist) and handed me a flower pot filled with happy spring flowers. I was baffled since this gal isn't even my client. She said "You will understand when you read the card."
"Thank you for inspiring me! Keep up the great work!"
It was what I like to call a "George Bailey" moment.
She proceeded to say that she had been stuck for a long time and seeing me, and also her own hairdresser who had been an inspiration to me all along, losing weight and getting healthy helped her get unstuck. She looks amazing and works out regularly and changed her eating habits. And now she will inspire someone else.
It made me realize that, just like George Bailey, we all touch peoples lives without even knowing it. This has a rippling effect that we can not even begin to fathom.
While I look for inspiration every day from all that I see and read, I sometimes find it in the most unlikely places. Yesterday, I was humbled to know that i was able to be that inspiration for someone.
We are all ripples in the water and we never know when we might be making a difference to others just by being. What an honor to be able to be made aware of it.
Today, if someone has inspired you, let them know. And don't forget to pay it forward.
This post has been a long time coming.
Computer issues and life issues made it difficult for me to get around to posting.
I am in getting ready for some big changes. More big changes.
I have been continuing on in my journey to good health.
I am still getting healthy, losing weight and just began working out at a gym.
I went through a huge bout of depression over the past few months and had a difficult time finding my way out. I have been sad and depressed before. I have suffered loss and grieved and was sad for prolonged periods of time. But I always came out of it. This was different.
I was sad and crying and in my own head but there was no specific reason for it. Yes, I had lost some loved ones. Yes, I was under the usual stresses. Who in this world doesn't deal with all of this? But when I tried to get my head around why I was so sad, I just couldn't see it. I was going through the motions and smiling at the world but inside, I found myself feeling lost and sad and worried and not knowing why.
I could blame the winter and the lack of sunshine. It may very well have been chemical or hormonal but it felt like I there was something wrong with me.
I survived. i still feel the sadness but not nearly as deeply as before and for shorter bouts. Perhaps I should have sought professional or medical help but, since my insurance has yet to kick in, I waited it out and talked to some dear friends.
I continued to try to eat properly and stopped and started exercising several times over but I was feeling like the lethargy and depression were winning.
Over the past several weeks I have done some minor detoxing and started to pay more attention to what I am eating. I also joined a gym and am working once a week with a personal trainer.
Maybe it's just that Spring is in the air or maybe the longer days are helping. It is twenty degrees and gray today but the sun is in and out and we turn the clocks on Sunday so I have hope for a sunny Spring.
There will be some changes coming to this blog very soon and I am planning some things for my future that I believe will be of use to many.
If I am absent from this blog it is because I am busy with all these things going on. I have to accept that something has to give sometimes and for now it will have to be Fluffy Girl. I am not abandoning her. I am improving myself so I can be present in my life.
Stay tuned! The best is yet to come!!
Hello, old friend. Good to have you back. Oh, Inspiration, how I've missed you!
I know, dear readers. All five of you have been waiting and wondering and wishing I would post already.
I'm BAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!
Be careful what you wish for. I am sure to ramble and babble on about not much of anything.
If you are reading this (and I am so grateful to my four or five staunch supporters!) you have survived the holidays, as have I.
It was a rough go but I managed to make it through with no major illness and only a few minor injuries.(most involving knives and stoves) The cookies, got baked, the halls were decked, the tree trimmed and the gifts wrapped.
I think I am finally coming out of my my post-holiday-wish-it-wasn't-over-where-did-the-time-go?-funk. Well, except for the Christmas tree which still stands, beautifully decorated, in the middle of my living room window.
Most other remnants of Christmas have been taken down and I am packing it away a little at a time.
It is time to get down to the real reason I m writing this blog in the first place. So many of you will be wondering how I fared on my weight loss journey. I am happy to say, that, in spite of the many temptations, several indulgences, and a few cookies, I made it through and managed to come out of it with looser pants.
When I say "indulgences" I mean that I allowed myself a tiny bit of leeway in some areas.
Money-wise and time-wise it was difficult to always purchase organic food but I tried to keep it clean for the most part. Some days I ran out of time and never got around to using my Nutribullet for my morning "blast". Exercise was next to impossible due to the fact that I just couldn't get my ass moving. No excuses there. It's been an issue since it got cold out. Stopping and starting and not being consistent. I am hoping to change that over the course of the next few weeks.
As far as my "cheats" as some people call them, I prefer "indulgences" because it was a conscious choice, my "cheats" were not so bad. I had potatoes a few times (mashed once). I had bagels and cream cheese on Christmas morning but it was my plan all along and Christmas Day I did not really have anything too unhealthy except for one cocktail. Alcohol was another indulgence but I tried to compensate for it by drinking tons of water and green tea and being sensible the next day.
This is the first year that I made it through the holidays without once feeling like I was so full I could vomit. I have come to loathe and despise that feeling. I don't ever want to feel it again.
All in all, I am pretty proud of my food habits. A bit disappointed that I didn't make the time to fit in more exercise.
I am hatching some new plans for the coming year to get truly fit and healthy. I know the road ahead will be long but< I am coming up on exactly one year since I started this crazy ride and I am far from satisfied.
I will be revamping my life, my healthy lifestyle choices and hopefully will reap the benefits of choosing to live a healthier lifestyle.
Wish me luck and stay tuned!
Tonight was a trip down memory lane. Whoever said that you can't go home again may have had a point.
Tonight I went home to my old high school to see a show-the BHS All School Musical.
It was one of those bittersweet moments.
I went last year and may have even blogged about it. But, this year, they did Footloose. It was Dianna's favorite. For those of you who don't know, Dianna is my best friend and she passed away last year.
The auditorium is the same. Only the name has been changed. The seats are much nicer and there is air conditioning and real light and sound systems now instead of a guy working with primitive equipment that you wouldn't go near for fear of being electrocuted and one in the balcony working the follow spot.
But, the stage is the same. The walls behind the stage are the same too.
Somewhere, under thirty years of paint, is my name on those walls behind that stage I stood on so many times.
And her name is there too. My best friend. The one who got me through those years. My Dianna.
The first time we signed our names we were in seventh grade. We were so young and innocent and naive. I can't help but wonder if they still carry on that tradition of marking up the walls back stage.
As I entered, it wasn't as much of a shock as it was last year when I went to see Bye Bye, Birdie. Thirty years ago, the seats were wood and the walls were blue. Now the seats are plush and the walls a creamy white with the accents around the stage etched in gold. The curtain was nondescript...maybe blue...maybe brown. Now it is a lush, red velvet. So appropriately theatrical. The kids wear head mics.
The performers are practically the same. The awkward, freshman boys with squeaky voices and lanky limbs who are in the show because they are male and have a pulse. The girls are a little different, much more mature at thirteen and fourteen than back in my day. But still, I can see the insecurity in their movements, the contradiction-tentative and confident and then tentative again. The older girls look much older.
I look at the program and so many of the last names are the same...including one eighth grader who is the daughter of two of my very first school friends. Their child is one of the amazingly confident ones. And an exceptionally talented dancer. She's the reason I went tonight.
This year when I entered Rowe Hall, as it is now so aptly named after my all-time favorite English and drama teacher, I found myself thinking of Dianna-the show was Footloose which came out after we graduated high school. But it was her favorite movie. She dragged me to that movie many, many, many times. Did I say "many"? Many.
We had the soundtrack and listened to it over and over. We acted out the songs. It was her movie. It was all about dancing and, God, how she loved to dance.
I couldn't help being distracted by all the memories. I looked up at that stage and I saw us at all the rehearsals. We spent more time there than at home. We did our homework there and ate our meals there. We were even granted permission by Mr. Rowe himself to be in there during free periods. If the set was up for a show, we hung out on the stage. I sometimes hid out there hoping that no on would find me and at the same time wishing someone would at least come looking. Only Dianna knew that.
The performance tonight was pretty good but there were a couple of times when she would have cringed at the botching of one of her favorite numbers. I know she so would have loved the dancing. We didn't have much choreography back when we were in school so the dance numbers were usually pretty lame.
The kids tonight put on a show that was all about dancing and man, did they dance! Break dancing, line dancing, jazz and funk...amazing. I loved that part of it. But I missed my friend. It's always times like this, the most ordinary of moments, that I feel the empty space she left in my life...in my heart.
At one point, I was having trouble concentrating on the play and thinking of Dianna and the times we shared...I was very close to tears and they were doing a scene that was very similar to the movie and in the background there was music playing. It took me about thirty seconds to realize that it was her song-her high school anthem-and I knew.
I knew she was right there with me bopping and remembering and singing at the top of her lungs.
"Lose your blues. Everybody cut foot loose!"
I know that I have mentioned this before in previous posts, but it's that time of year again and I feel the need to acknowledge my trepidation. I hope it will not bore the three of you.
This time of year is always bittersweet for me. As soon as I buy my mums and put out my pumpkins, I start getting that panicky feeling that time is getting away from me.
Maybe because...well...it is.
I work in a business that is marked by time. My clients come in on the half hour, sometimes every half hour for each day I work which is anywhere from six to ten to sometimes twelve hours per day. Those days when I am completely booked fill me with a strange combination of satisfaction and dread.
We are coming into an extremely (God willing) busy time. The business of beauty booms during the silly season. Please don't misconstrue. I am so very grateful to be busy and am humbled by my steady and loyal clientele.
But when you measure time in half hour increments it gets away from you.
On Halloween night, someone posted a picture with the caption "Happy Halloween" while she was standing in the midst of a fully decked out holiday wonderland. I think it was Target.
I started seeing commercials for the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City in August. There was also an ad for a layaway at Kmart with a stalking gingerbread man airing in September. Once October began, it was a full on assault. Christmas and Hanuka items making their appearances in my local market before October first and garland and twinkle lights on sale at the local drug store two weeks before Halloween (which, by the way, was only four days ago!).
Ticking off the days, minutes and hours of our lives takes its toll. Measured time moves much quicker and we get overwhelmed because we are forever looking at what is next.
I find it difficult to remain calm and collected during this time of year because I want to get to work on time so I can stay on time so I can get out on time so I can get some shopping done before the malls close.
It's exhausting and I haven't even begun to do any of that yet. I am still in the list-making stages. Another very time consuming undertaking to keep me on schedule so I will have enough time to get it all done before I have ever gotten the chance to start.
And then we went and turned the clocks back last night and I don't know where the hell that hour went!
This exactly why I begin to panic once October is over. I am so stressed about enjoying the time that I over-schedule and run behind and procrastinate and the next thing I know, it's Christmas Eve at two a.m. and I am wrapping presents until it is light out. I get to savor all of fifteen minutes of the entire season.
This happens every year. Why don't I ever see it coming? They tried to warn me, right? There were commercials and Christmas in July on QVC. There were signs everywhere and I still did not have the foresight to be ready.
I think this will be the year that I will be ready and I will try to savor some of it. I will shop early and cut down on my list making and I will try very hard to stay in the moment and not put my Christmas Cd's in my car until after Thanksgiving.
I have been making changes so I can enjoy my life, right?
Oh, crap! I forgot about all my lifestyle changes! How will I ever fit in learning how to bake with millet flour and quinoa while still managing to hang my organic, recyclable wreath?
Good thing it is only November 3. I still have fifty whole days left to shop, bake, wrap and revel. So, for now, I will just try to stay in the moment.
Happy Election Day, everyone!
I have not written for quite some time.
Not that I have not been writing.
Just not here.
I have spent the past few months trying to hone my writing skills and found myself consumed by books. Fiction, non-fiction. Old and new.
I am no worse for the wear.
I may even be somewhat improved.
I am maintaining many of my new habits. I am about 80 percent organic.I slacked on the cooking for the summer but not the healthy eating. I really think I have the food and eating down to a routine.
I can tend to be a bit lazy here and there and I struggle with portion control but on the whole I continue to lose weight.
As far as exercising, I have not been quite as diligent. I am on a stop and start routine that I hope to get hold of over the coming weeks.
Work was crazy and I was reading a lot over the summer which is not exactly conducive to activity.
But I think I am working that out.
As I have said before, time-management is one of my many issues.
I am trying to make it all fit into my life somehow and I hope to find the balance and the discipline I have been lacking much of my life.
But I am also learning to be gentle with myself. Some things have to get pushed aside so I can maintain and prioritize the more important things.
It's like organizing your closets; you have to eliminate all the things you don't use, wear or take pleasure in and then you have more room.
That is what I am doing with my life.
One of my many issues has been spending money.
I came from a family that never really had much and when we did have it we didn't know what to do with it. My mother always lived just a little outside her means and loved to say "you can't take it with you". I never knew or realized that not everyone adopted that attitude. I just thought that some people had money and therefore saved and some people didn't so never saved. I fell into the latter category.
Getting a handle on spending has sort of been a by-product of my new, healthier lifestyle. I am far from reformed but I am really trying and, for the first time, this week I did not have to rob from Peter to pay Paul and I did not have to pay any overages or late fees. And I had a small amount left over and I did not spend it.
Today's post has been more of an exercise than an inspiring blog post, but I felt I needed to update my followers and let all four of you know that I am still here and I am still plugging away. I have been toying with something and I will hopefully be sharing it with you in the very near future.
Meanwhile, have a beautiful autumn and cherish the precious hours of daylight.
